Just think of me & I'll be there...

A Very Low Morale Of Me

Was wondering if I should start this blog.. ( actually wanted to start long time ago but too lazy.. And of course, I have decided to write my blog. I guess this will be a long essay as I will summaries the things that happen this year.

It wasn't a smooth year for me. Whether its family, friends, work or love. It seems that everything was in a mess and it keeps coming one another. Lets start with work then.

Quit my 1st full-time job which is more than 3 years there, join a new trade but no prospects and the boss just sucks, quit again. Back to the same usual trade but quit again. Till now... jobless! Can't really find what kind of industry that suits me... or I should say I suit them. They say the jobless rate has dropped but in the other hand, the turnover rate has rised too. And it doesn't make any difference thou. Went for interviews.. either no response or it doesn't suits me. So, what exactly I should look into a job?????????????? Anyone can tell me????????????????

Family...alot of things happen in my family and my close relatives. My dad has quit his job and looking for jobs around too. But, of his age, how can he really work like last time??? His temper getting bad... start to drink and drink... and quarrel over this with my mum. His blood pressure went high once and have to be sent to hospital. At that time, he has been good.. stop drinking.. but then... after not long, he starts again. There comes with my mum naggings and their quarrels... I don't really communicate well with my dad.. sometimes, I don't know what I can do for them. I throw my temper to them sometimes... when I was in bad mood... I am not a filial daughter to them... always make them angry and sad.. luckily, they still have a son, my elder brother.. who is more filial, sensible.. at least without me, my parents still can pin hopes on him. My uncle's son... they actually have business in malaysia but it was a failure after yrs there. Start to have financial problems, got to sell their business... and my uncle's son, he has been a boss of his own for long and got to work for people now which makes him very hot-tempered even before last time. He and his wife were also on the verge of divorce. His wife doesn't want to let his son to study in sin and wanted to withdraw him as a singapore citizen. Of course, all of us do not agree with her. I seldom see them.. only once in a blue moon... his son is a very sensible child.. he look after his sister well even though he is juz less than 10 years old. I believe they should feel proud of having a good son like him. My uncles and aunties were worried about them as it will affect the kids if they are to divorce. But in the end, after all those quarrels and everything, they are still together now. His wife just give birth to another baby girl few months back. Frankly speaking, I don't like his wife (malaysian), give lots of problems and attitude! What the h***! My 3rd bro in law (actually its my uncle's daughter husband, but my family are close to my uncle side, dats y call him bro in law), his business was a failure too. In the end, he got to work for people. Somehow, he got some unknown virus while he was working. At first, still not that serious. But as the time goes by, his condition get worst. He has breathing difficulty, legs swollen like an elephant and his face was getting thinner and thinner. He stayed in hosital for nearly 2 months and the doctors still can't find the real medicine to his virus. They just keep changing ang changing the medicine for him till he can't really eat and vomitted. All of us was at a loss. In the end, we hire a chinese physicanand together with the western medicine, he gets better. They said his heart got problem but now under control. He was discharged after that However, he was being sent to hospital again recently as he got another relapse again at home. Now they have confirmed that his heart is getting worst. He got to change a heart!!!OMG! They have put him in a waiting list for 2 years! During this while till he got a suitable heart, he has to stay in hospital! We were all shocked when we hear this... but, what else can we do now? Only our support to him. How I wish I can earn more money to help them to tide over this crucial period.

Love.. despite all this things happen, I still believe in finding my love, my true love. However, it seems to be an obstacle to me as well. Is love so hard? What is love? Someone I like, doesn't likes me. Either he likes other girls or he has a gf. What is so hard to get someone you love to love you? What is missing in me which makes me the loser always? The looks? The character? The height? The weight? Whats more to come? Love hurts... really... I am really envy my friends who have found their love.. cos it always take 2 hands to clap to be together. I do not wish to elaborate much here cos it will be a very long long essay. People out there, you MUST treasure your love. For guys especially, do not lie to your gf. Be honest, be true to them. We only live once and we only love once with the right person.

Friends...well... what more should I say??? After what I have written for the above. I have always been hard and facing difficulties on relationships. Whether its BGR or friends. Some people say I am too stubborn, emotional... when I am in any relationships, I will be down right deep to it. Last time, I always hope to get back of what I give people. But I know its impossible. Do not ask for return when you give. And when you give, give it your best. So, when I give it my best, do anyone appreciate me? Ans : NO In what way, have I done wrong? In what way have I lack? Why am I always the one who lose out? WHY??? I guess in this world, it is just too unfair. I am born to suffer all the pains here! Sometimes I would just cried out & even thought of leavin
g this world.. but, you must have the courage to leave this world. Luckily, I don't have. If not, I wouldn't be here writing this blog... I do not have the courage to survive and to leave... HOW????????

I do not know where to go, who to turn to, what to do next... any saviour out there??? I have to apologise for my long long blog...

11/12/2004 04:46:00 AM
Truly Madly Deeply by Christine